I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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