Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
