don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Enjoy the penises
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
