Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
