i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
