I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
