My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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