The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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