and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
