I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
