turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
