I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
