we have officially lost it.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
