I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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