So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
