what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
