She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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