i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
