this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
