After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
