im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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