thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
