why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
