Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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