gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
