He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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