wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
