I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
