i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
