You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
