Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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