I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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