I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
