your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Boobs are out for the taking
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
