it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
