I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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