I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
