love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
