I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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