I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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