i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
