Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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