After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
