Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
