so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
