sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
