i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
