I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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