literally had 100 drinks last night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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