She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
